The Obligatory Story about Asian Toilets

I first started writing this story more than a year ago, but it just was not turning out the way I wanted, so I abandoned it. I have decided to give it another try and completely re-write it.

What we call the “bathroom”, is generally referred to as the “toilet”. So the toilet is the place where you go to expel waste and take a bath. It is one room. In one corner, there is the actual toilet, which may be a squat toilet or a sit-down toilet. On one wall, there will be a tap; 2 if you have hot water; 3 if you have a shower. The bathing area is not separate. The entire room is the bathing area. There is a drain in the middle of the room or in a corner. A bucket and cup are standard. There may or may not be a sink. If there is one, it drains onto the floor, so your feet might get wet. All this is generally true of the dirtiest toilets and the cleanest, and throughout Southeast Asia and India – but not Singapore.

Taking a bath is pretty straight forward. If you have a shower, and if it works, you just take a shower. If there is no shower or if it is too cold and hot water is provided in a bucket, then you learn to use the cup to pour water over yourself. This is not so bad, and it saves water. My mother still does this, even though she has showers in her house. I prefer the shower, but I don't really care which I get.

Using the actual toilet, however, is not as straight forward. If you have a sit-down toilet, with a seat, then you do as usual. But too often, they neglect to install the seat. I think you know what that is like. I prefer using a squat toilet rather than a sit-down toilet – with or without a seat – because my skin does not have to touch anything.

I remember the first time I had to use a squat toilet, the 5th of February, 2008, about 1:00am, on the Indonesian island of Sumbawa. I was traveling by bus across Sumbawa, and we stopped at a restaurant for a break. I immediately headed for the toilet, because I suspected that I might have diarrhea. Before I started traveling, I had read the book Going Abroad, by Eva Newman. This book details the various kinds of toilets one can find around the world and how to use them. So I knew how to use a squat toilet.

I rolled up my pant legs to just below my knees, pushed the waist down to just above my knees, placed my feet where they should go, squat … and … I missed. I was mortified. The attendant who collects the money or the next person to come in after me would know that it was I who deposited this liquid mess on the floor behind the toilet! I did my best to wash it all into an open drain which ran along the front of the stalls and left quietly.

The next thing which complicates toilet use is cleaning up afterward. In Asia, people do not use toilet paper. In tourist areas, you can purchase toilet paper in stores or at the hotel reception, but the drain is not meant to take paper, so you'd have to put the used paper in a basket or trash bin next to the toilet. I decided I would do it like the natives.

From my first day in Indonesia, I set out to perfect my washing technique, in the privacy of my own toilet. I should have read a book written by a man, because Eva's instructions seemed very much for a woman. So I came up with my own technique, which I will not detail for you. The last time I told someone, a friend in Malaysia, he laughed and said that's not how it is done. When he described how it is done, I said well that's not going to clean anything. All I will say is that I became very proficient at cleaning myself without getting water everywhere, and my hand doesn't stink afterward.

The cup, is held in the right hand, and the left hand is used for cleaning. That's why it is culturally unacceptable to eat with your left hand or greet people with your left hand. Some places will have a sprayer. If the spray is strong, it will clean you really well, but then you'll be wet all over and come out of the toilet with wet pants.

Recently, I was in a situation where there was no water. On my overnight bus ride from Leh to Srinagar, we stopped at a restaurant. I used the toilet, assuming that the presence of a tap, a bucket, a cup, and water on the floor, meant that there was running water. I opened the tap, and no water came. What to do? I reached into my pocket and pulled out a business card, tore it into 4 pieces and used those. If I didn't have that, I would have used money. But many people go outside, in the open, with no water or paper. They just pull up their pants when they're done. That, I am not yet willing to try.

I have become accustomed to the toilet setup here and may even install a squat toilet when I return to the states. The only problem is that they tend to stink, even when they are clean. I would need to find a solution to that first.

So, there you have it, my obligatory story about the Asian toilet.